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Linn’s Story,
I grew up in a great Christian home. I received Christ as a young girl. I can tell you that my parents taught us good morals and everything we needed to know about God, but something changed all of this when I was 13. I went to stay at my sister’s house in Las Vegas for summer vacation and while I was there I was raped. I lost my faith in everything including God. I wasn’t sure how to handle my body being violated. I became a cutter. I would cut myself and write depressing poems about killing myself. When I was 16 I told my mother what had happened. I wanted help and I cried and begged for it, but my mother didn’t believe me. I think she was so shocked by me being raped that she didn’t want to believe it. She did try to get me help. She brought me to church. I got baptized and had a wonderful experience from the Lord when I was baptized. But peer pressure and the devil pulled me away. Then I left the church and went down the wrong path, nothing was beautiful anymore. My heart with full of hate and my soul felt lost, I had lost all faith in God none of this mattered and I turned to alcohol, sex and drugs, but I did stop cutting myself.
I met a guy 6 months after getting baptized. I moved in with him and got pregnant. I grew up and stopped doing drugs and drinking. Before I had my daughter her father and I moved into our own place. I thought things would be better. But her dad continued to drink. He ended up in jail when my daughter was 9 months old. While he was on bail, we got married. I thought he wanted to marry me because he loved me, but he married me so I couldn’t testify against him in court. When he got out of jail I got pregnant again. We got our own mobile home, but, things got worse. My husband would go from job to job, because most of the time he was too hung over to get up and go to work. His drinking got worse. Neighbors would call me while I was at work, telling me my daughter was outside crying because her father left her and her brother alone while he was drunk.
I got pregnant again and continued to work until I was 7 months pregnant. This is when the physical abuse started. My husband would hit me while I was pregnant and I started to hate him more and more each day. When I had my 3rd child things didn’t get better. My husband kept hitting me, but it was always behind closed doors. I told him I had enough and couldn’t take his drinking and cheating on me and hitting me and he went nuts and beat me in front of friends. When my daughter came out of her room because of the noise, he grabbed her and made her watch as he chocked me. I don’t know how I got away. . I filed for divorce, but I felt everything was my fault and started doing drugs again.
I started doing oxycotton and then heroin and started cutting myself again. I hated everything but drugs, they were my best friend. I would sell my food stamps to get money for drugs and twice I sold my body for half a gram of heroin. I knew I was hooked when my son knocked on the bathroom door right as I was sticking that needle in my arm and I yelled at him to go away because he was ruining my high. On the Fourth of July I did my last line of meth and got on my knees and prayed. I prayed that drugs would stop ruling my life and to meet a man who would lead me back to God. I went home and a few days later I signed up for an online dating site, three days later I messaged a man. We texted for hours and two days later we met at a park. We just clicked. A week or so later he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes then he asked me to go to church with him on Sunday. I went and I remembered the feeling I felt when I was a teen. The love I was looking for was at church and with him.
We have been together now about a year. Since I’ve been back to church and accepted God in my heart again, I see things in that light again, my life has changed. God has showed me love and I have met people at the church who love and care for me. I don’t go a day without praying or learning more about the love of God. I haven’t been this happy since I was a child. I have an awesome relationship with God and with my boyfriend. God has blessed me with so many things these past months and I love him so much for it. I have finished school with a GPA of 3.95 and I was top of my class. I am currently looking for work. I am still sober and I haven’t cut myself for almost a year. My heart has gone from hard to soft and I have started to forgive all those people who hurt me in my past and I am now becoming a better woman and mother. Now that God is back in my life, I am that happy teenager I used to be, yet wiser! My family and friends see it in me and they are so happy. My heart is full of love and peace and joy and this is how I wanted it to be. I was once lost but Now I’m found and I’m never going to be lost ever again! My faith has been redeemed and I am over filled with joy. God has answered my prayers and this is the life I always wanted and I have it now. The power of prayer…AMEN!!!
Linn,
Lakeside, California